Biden will die first, Trump is a hardened clump of narcissism.

So who dies first? I’ve got to say Biden on this one. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a tough pick. They are both firmly in the geriatric stages of their lives, and their brains are undoubtedly damaged beyond repair. Biden, until very recently wasn’t even able to form full sentences, and I can only imagine what drugs they’re propping him up with. Trump has also been in mental decline for the past four years. You know, I remember thinking during the 2016 election that he was a wildly unhinged, unintelligible mess, but if you go back and watch his debates with Hillary he’s actually somewhat sharp compared to what he is now. It’s a close call. 

Here’s the revelation I’ve had that makes me think Biden’s the first to go, just look at any other president before and after their presidential terms. Take Obama for example, he comes into office fresh-faced, slick as all hell, and in four years he’s got grey hairs with bags under his eyes. Now look at Trump. In four years there has been practically zero discernible change in his physical appearance. Credit has to be given to whoever spray paints his face every morning, but that can only cover up so much. We should have seen some signs of aging in four turbulent years right? Nope. He’s still standing like the Tower of Pisa, surprisingly, but still there nonetheless.

My theory is that Trump was simply born an unrelenting stubborn mule. So much so that he’s even resisting the Grim Reaper himself. Trump has been molded by the chaos. He lives it, he breathes it, he savors it. I mean the man *allegedly* beat COVID for fuck’s sake. I simply can’t see Biden weathering the same hardships. Trump’s entire body just seems to have hardened into a self-preserving clump of narcissism. His ego is so pure that every cell in his deformed body is just a dried husk, empty, soulless, but impervious to mold and degradation. My money’s on Biden.

-Egotistic Idiot